I was walking out of work this evening, and as a car passed by me, I noticed that the canine occupant of the vehicle, standing with its paws propped up so it could peer out the window, was wearing some manner of garment.
Now I’ve had this discussion with my wife on several occasions regarding her mysterious need to dress up our own dog, and the rationale for forcing pets to wear clothing completely escapes me. Maybe because it is a gender-related issue; after all, I don’t know of any men–correction: heterosexual men–that delight in selecting outfits for their dogs.
These people can’t honestly think for a moment that the dog appreciates clothing–their first inclination is to usually wriggle out of the garment, or they gnaw and bite at it in an attempt to remove it. So that’s not it.
From a monetary standpoint, pet owners can’t believe this to be a wise investment, either. Think of all the underprivileged children in the world–our own country even–that could benefit from the money wasted on dog apparel, if the funds were used to buy actual clothing for those less fortunate. Is it any wonder that the wastefulness and excess of America is resented around the globe, when American pets are better-dressed than most children in third-world nations?
My wife tries to justify this need by claiming that little dogs need some sort of additional protection from the wind, rain, and/or cold, so a sweater is in order. First, I would argue that such a creature is not technically a dog. Second, how does that explain all the doggy t-shirts printed with ridiculous sayings? Or little doggy dresses and motorcycle jackets? You show me a dog that can ride a motorcycle, and I’ll spring for the jacket.
It is my opinion that dressing up one’s pet makes a statement. Not about how cute the pet is, but how misdirected the pet owner’s intentions are. When I see a dog owner parading around their dog sporting a “t-shirt” or a “sweater”, it says to me, “Hey, look at us: not only did I piss away the time and money shopping for and purchasing an outfit for my dog, but I then proceeded to waste even more of my time–time I will never get back when I’m gasping my final breaths on my death-bed–wrestling said dog into said outfit.
Now, having said that, I am willing to make an exception for Halloween costumes–because no one should be excluded from trick-or-treating. Hell–babies are just as oblivious to Halloween as dogs are–maybe even more so–but no one bats an eye at a baby dressed up for Halloween. So why should dogs be excluded?
So, in summary: please don’t waste your time or your money putting clothes on your dog–unless it’s a Halloween costume. Dogs don’t like it, and it only reinforces the stereotype of the wasteful and misguided American to your peers and the rest of the world. Take the money that you would have spent on the neon pink doggy t-shirt that says “Love Me” and donate it to an animal shelter or Goodwill or the Salvation Army. Or, just go ahead and send me that money. I’m no financial wizard, but I’ll bet I can find a more worthwhile use for that money without expending too much mental effort. Maybe I’ll take it to the track or to Vegas, and I’ll split the winnings with you.