This posting has been simmering on the back-burner in my brain for a little while, and I’m finally getting around to “dumping” about it. (Mainly because I’m at a loss for anything else at the moment.)
Bachelor parties, it seems, have developed a lewd reputation over the years–though I will admit, not entirely without cause. Though I, myself, have not personally attended any of the parties that have fueled this reputation, I have heard tales of the type of debauchery that can go on at bachelor parties, and even I was amazed. However, I believe that these extreme cases are more the exception than the rule–even though talk shows geared toward women, like Oprah, would have women believe otherwise.
I would argue that aside from the extreme bachelor parties that involve prostitutes and farm animals (featured in the 1984 comedy starring Tom Hanks and other such Hollywood creations), I think most standard bachelor parties involve a visit to a local strip club, where–despite what women have been led to believe–there are strict rules governing personal contact with the “talent”. Bachelor partiers usually wind up getting drunk, eating unhealthy food, smoking cigars, then passing out in a hotel room–perhaps after indulging in the viewing of some pornographic DVDs. In some cases, there may be a stripper hired to perform in a hotel room, but–again–the rules about physical contact (aside from a few exceptions) are strict. And even if those boundaries are crossed, there are still limitations (again, aside from the rare exceptions), and little chance of anything progressing beyond that–meaning, little opportunity for future “encounters” between the party guests and the hired talent.
Bachelorette parties, on the other hand, appear to have no such rules–at least, based on what I’ve been able to observe. In fact, I would argue that women are more guilty of unsavory and lewd behavior at bachelorette parties, than men are at bachelor parties–though some may argue this is more due to a lack of opportunity for men, as compared to women, and I’ll concede that there may be some truth to that. But that’s not my point here. My point is that women can behave just as inappropriately–if not more so–than men at bachelor parties. And I think this is mainly due to the fact that the while bachelor parties are typically conducted at strip clubs, bachelorette parties tend to take place at bars–where anything goes. Though, of course, this is not something that gets sensationalized on Oprah.
Now, let me pause a moment to clarify that I am not a prude by any means. I’ve done my share of “misbehaving” in my youth, back before I was married, and when I was not involved in a serious relationship. However, I may be old fashioned in my belief that once you are married, or even involved in a serious relationship, you need to conduct yourself in a manner befitting of the commitment–real or implied–that you have entered into. That’s not to say you shouldn’t be allowed to cut loose a little and have a good time, but I believe you have a responsibility to your significant other to exercise some restraint–no matter what the temptation–and this should go for both men and women. If you’re single and unattached, by all means, feel free to do whatever lies within your own system of morals and beliefs.
Based on what I’ve seen, bachelorette parties held at bars become the targets of other male patrons of the bars, hoping to capitalize on the opportunity of a group of drunk women in a celebratory mood–and who can blame them? When I was single and out at the bars with my fellow single friends, we all honed in our radar on any nearby bachelorette parties, and began circling like hungry sharks. The problem, though, as I see it, is that the married or attached members of the bachelorette party can be all too accommodating when it comes to responding to this attention. Sure it’s flattering to receive attention from someone of the opposite sex, especially when you’ve been married awhile and the “honeymoon is over”, so to speak, and your inhibitions are lowered by alcohol. And while there’s nothing wrong with a little innocent flirtation up to a point, I think that point gets crossed far too often at bachelorette parties. Women accuse men of being secretive among their brotherhood of friends, but I would argue that women are no less conniving when it comes to covering for each other.
So while bachelor parties tend to take place in more “controlled” environments (and I use that term loosely, believe me) where they are surrounded by other drunk, horny men, bachelorette parties are out in public among horny, drunk men. And again, if the single women in the bachelorette party want to capitalize on this opportunity and make the most of it, by all means, they should do so. But when the married and attached party-goers act as if they are single, it’s an insult to their husbands/significant others–in the exact same way that men at bachelor parties who behave inappropriately are disrespecting their wives/fiancees/girlfriends. And I think that’s sad. Even the groom- or bride-to-be should act as if they are married.
(Ironically, bachelorette parties also seem to focus a lot on sex–though, as most married men will attest, the bride-to-be’s fixation on that declines dramatically after the honeymoon. But I digress…)
I can honestly say that I have never acted in a manner that could be construed as being disrespectful to my wife in the twelve years I’ve been married to her–and even in the years I was with her before that. That may come across as sounding holier-than-thou, but I’m proud of that fact. And I’m pretty sure that the same can be said about my wife and the way she conducts herself–and I sincerely hope that’s true.
Perhaps Oprah and all the other talk show hostesses should take the same keen insight they focus on bachelor parties and redirect it on members of their own audiences and their lurid behavior at bachelorette parties. But they might not like what they see when that mirror is held up to them, and they have to face their own reflections…