A friend of mine suggested that I write a post in response to a recent news story about an 8th grader in Mascoutah, Illinois, who received detentions for hugging two of her friends before school let out for the weekend. So I will do so–since I can’t really think of anything else to write about, and also because my “daily brain dump” has been anything but, and I’m a little “backed-up”.
Stories like this seem to surface every now and then, and most people’s initial response is one of mild outrage, and my own reaction is no exception.
Where does one begin in dissecting news stories such as these? Can we really blame schools for enacting anti-PDA (public display of affection) policies to discourage other less innocent means of expressing affection? Not really. High school isn’t quite that long ago for me to have forgotten some of the public spectacles I myself witnessed as couples stood entwined in each other’s arms between classes, lip-locked and almost dry-humping against their lockers. And it’s also not far enough in the past for me to have forgotten my own participation in considerably tamer expressions of affection with my high school girlfriend at the time. Even so, in retrospect, it’s probably not a bad idea to rein in that kind of behavior somewhat before it escalates. I’m not naive enough to believe that enacting such anti-PDA policies will discourage teenagers from engaging in such activities–that’s not the point. But, school is school, after all, and if couples want to express their hormonally-charged affection for each other, let them do so in parked cars or in their parents’ basements like the rest of us did.
Now, can we blame schools for taking such policies too far in that students cannot even exchange hugs? I think so. Again, I can still remember being a high school student during that emotionally turbulent time when we’re all trying to find ourselves, cope with parental authority, and determine our futures–all while battling the raging hormones within us. I can remember what it was like to have a bad day back then, back when everything seemed to take on theatrically melodramatic proportions, back when I thought the world was against me at times. And I also remember how much it meant to me when one of my female friends, or my girlfriend could tell that I was having a bad day and would give me a simple reassuring hug. And, really, what was so wrong with that?
What’s really wrong with any public display of affection as long as it stays within the boundaries of public decency? But I guess that’s the point, isn’t it? My opinion of what’s “decent” may not match yours or the Mascoutah school board.
But come on… No hugging? It may not be so far-fetched to think that many of these teenagers who feel so isolated and alone that they resort to violence by bringing guns to school and lashing out against their peers, may not feel quite so forsaken if our society were more accepting of friendly and innocent gestures of encouragement and support–like hugs. I’m not saying a policy of mandatory hugging will end school violence–that would be ridiculous. But what I am saying is that high school can be a lonely, confusing time for teenagers. And if something as simple as an affectionate pat on the back, a casual one-armed embrace, or an innocent hug can make someone feel better, really, what’s the harm?
This could be said about a lot of our nation’s laws and policies, but no amount of legislation or policy-making will replace common sense. In fact, I would argue, that they are often in direct opposition to each other. It seems that laws and policies are being used to replace rational thought, rather than support it. If we as a society lose the ability to use our own judgment to decide what is appropriate and what isn’t within reasonable bounds, and instead leave such decisions to lawyers and policy-making boards, then pretty soon, we will live in a society where even the most superficial human interaction will have to be regulated. Oh wait, it seems we’re already there.