Today is Mother’s Day, the second since my mom passed away in December 2009. I am married with three kids–the oldest being 14, so Mother’s Day has had increased significance for me for many years now. Where once it simply served as an occasion to acknowledge my own mother, in the almost sixteen years since I’ve been married, Mother’s Day has also been a day to honor my mother-in-law. And, obviously, since my wife and I first learned we had become parents, it has been a a significant day in paying tribute to my wife, who has helped bless me with three healthy children.
I do my best to make my wife feel special on Mother’s Day within the constraints of a modest budget–by necessity, unfortunately. I make a point to serve her breakfast in bed with the kids, and the kids and I brainstorm together about gift ideas for her–usually opting for thoughtful, practical or meaningful over extravagant. I also try to take her out to dinner and help out even more with the household chores.
Now that my mother is gone, I now have to pay tribute to her on Mother’s Day differently: through reminiscing about the past rather than acknowledging the present. And it is through this reminiscing that I’ve realized what I miss most about my mother: and that is the unconditional love an acceptance that is an ideal in a mother and so frustratingly rare in the other significant people in our lives, unfortunately.
My mother and I went through our difficult times–don’t get me wrong–especially in high school and college, where I think she had difficulty reconciling my newfound independence and challenging of boundaries. But even during the most trying of times, I knew that–if nothing else, no matter how frustrated she was with me, and I with her–I could always count on her for encouragement and support, even if it was just idle words of reassurance that had no basis in reality. It didn’t matter. That’s what mothers are for (and fathers, too)–to be our last stubborn champions when everyone else has given up on us or forsaken us. And while I am fortunate enough to have found a similar sentiment to a limited extent in some of the people closest to me, it is not as prevalent as it should be, in my opinion. And it makes me wonder: what is it about what a mother sees in us that eludes others–even those who are supposed to be closest to us? Whatever it is, it is the intangible quality that separates our mothers from everyone else–and that is why, along with many other reasons, that they deserve our thanks, praise and recognition on Mother’s Day, especially–but every day, as well.
One of my many regrets is that I didn’t fully comprehend a mother’s significance until it was too late for me to share this realization with my own mother.
Hopefully it won’t be too late for anyone else who happens to stumble upon this blog post.
Happy Mother’s Day, Mom–