It’s no secret that being alone and lonely on Valentine’s Day sucks.
Being alone and lonely any day sucks, really.
But for Valentine’s Day, there seems to be additional pressure to not be alone and lonely.
However…one not need to be alone to be lonely, as many of have us have learned the hard way.
And in many cases, being alone and lonely can still be preferable to being with someone and still being lonely.
So for Valentine’s Day 2015, I made a concerted effort to focus more on this idea to use as my shield against the marketing onslaught that has become Valentine’s Day (or any other holiday, really).
My goal was to ignore and reject the lifelong conditioning through pop culture and the continuous stream of brainwashing known as advertising.
It turned out to be more difficult than I expected.
In spite of it all, I still found myself lamenting the realization that the ideal of “romantic love”–at least as it’s portrayed in pop culture–doesn’t really exist; that the “happily ever after” fairy tale notion is a myth. This is by no means a revelation to me or to anyone else. Anyone who has been in a romantic relationship of any kind and duration knows that the novelty eventually wears off and the day-to-day reality of life intrudes on that fantasy. But that is to be expected and not necessarily a deterrent for aspiring to the ideal of romantic love within the confines of reality. After all, the simplest of gestures can reignite that guttering spark of romance and serve as a reminder of how and why you fell in love with each other–as long as those gestures are sincere and, just as importantly, welcomed by the recipient. But one shouldn’t need a “holiday” as a justification to take such initiatives.
Even so…it can be challenging to not be cynical about such things, especially when you discover that some relationships that you thought to be testaments to that ideal of romantic love turn out to have their own flaws–sometimes deep chasms that are just better hidden to those on the outside.
But maybe point of it all isn’t about trying to craft that unrealistic “perfect love” that is bought and sold every minute of every day, perpetuating stereotypes and offering false promises and even resulting in feelings of exclusion for those who don’t happen to have a significant other one particular day out of 365.
Perhaps it’s more about appreciating the love you do find, whatever and wherever it is, and however imperfect it may be (we are imperfect creatures, after all). And embracing the fact that love doesn’t have to conform to the narrow confines of what we’ve been conditioned to regard as the ideal.
Maybe instead of devoting a day to materialism in the guise of recognizing “romantic love”, such a day might be better spent redirecting our focus to the concept of an all-inclusive love in more general terms. A love not just for significant others, family, and friends–but rather an acknowledgement that we should be practicing a much broader more welcoming love that might be better defined as a higher regard for our planet and all who inhabit it. For our world and every aspect of it is something we take far too much for granted–especially considering it is all far more fragile than we care to recognize, as many are beginning to comprehend. Maybe such a “love” could result in less intolerance and corporate greed and less ravaging of our environment and our planet’s finite resources. And even–dare I say–a better quality of life for all.
And I realize, of course, that this idea may be even more outlandish and unrealistic than the aforementioned “perfect romantic love” ideal. But at least it serves to benefit all of us in one way or another, promoting selflessness and inclusion.
I guess we’ll all see what Valentine’s Day 2016 will bring.